Thursday, July 14, 2011

Really, why does life always shit on me?

So I found out today why I am having so many issues getting pregnant.  This is where i can honestly say that it is my fault too.  I was diagnosed today with PCOS.  I am glad that I know what is wrong with me, however I am not fine with the fact that I may have to take 12 steps back and put trying for kids on the back burner for at least 3 months.  I don't really think that I am okay with that.  I have been trying for 2.5 years and stopping trying, even for a few months, is the hardest thing I could ever do.  I have spent the past 2.5 years wishing, hoping, praying, taking pills, peeing on sticks, taking my temperature and it has been for nothing really.  It just frustrates me that I may have to wait even longer for something that a lot of people stumble upon.
To make my situation even better (please read that again with sarcasm, lol), my mom is soooooo against me using any type of medical intervention.  She keeps telling me not to stress over this, but that's all i can do is stress.   I am normally a stressed person to begin with.  That is how I have always been.  I just cant believe that my own mother is just so against me taking action.  It makes me feel like she doesn't even care if we give her a grandchild, I mean she already has 3.  It also makes me feel like a complete failure so all I think about is how I must be a bad person cause I can't seem to get my way for once.
I know the saying is "what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger", however this is something that just eats me up inside, causing me to be a hollow shell.  I can't feel happy anymore when people tell me they are preggo.  It always makes me think, what did this person do to be so lucky. ugggh.
Hopefully my next appointment brings good news.  At least I can think that for a few days.

1 comment:

  1. I have PCOS. I understand. This will definitely make things a little more challenging, but don't doubt that things will happen for you. My Mom told me when trying for Joseph and even now with trying for number two the same thing. The only people that can say "just relax" and it'll happen are the ones who can get pregnant with just sitting too close to their partner. I'll be praying for you guys. Just take a deep breath. I'm here if you need to talk.