Friday, November 25, 2011


So, Thanksgiving was yesterday.  I have a lot to be thankful for this year.  I am thankful to have a wonderful husband, who sticks by my side even when I am going baby crazy and plotting to steal a baby. (lol, this kinda happened) I am also thankful for the dear friends that I have gotten much closer to this year.  They have really helped me understand and appreciate the hardships that I went through.  I also am thankful for those hardships, since I wouldn't be at this stage of my life right now if I didn't have them.

A lot has been going on at my house, so to sum things up.  Tomorrow I officially start at the new store in the area, maintaining my position as a barista.  I found a new way to keep my stress levels down, I am now a knitting queen.  And most important, my hubby and I have finally gotten back to making time for us.  It is really nice to be able to go on little dates like we used to!

Now, the funny story of the week.  My older sister, a few months ago, told me in a very unrespectful way that she was expecting baby number 4.  So, after that I threw a slight temper tantrum and all that jazz (I may have told her she f**king sucked).  Well, we apologized and everything and are talking again.  So, I told her that no matter what she thought, her 4th child was going to be a girl, just like the other 3.  This was my way of telling her that karma was going to get her after how she told me.  Sure enough, my sister found out this week that she is once again having a girl. hahaha.  Karma is great!

As for me, I am done with the birth control pills and am only temping right now.  Hopefully, this is enough for me, since I don't have a fixed schedule at work and have a hard enough time trying to take my temp at around the same time everyday.  I don't think peeing on an OPK would be feasible at work. lol.  So, now I just need to stay relaxed and positive about the fact that my luck has started to change and that I will be blessed with a beautiful child sometime soon.

Last thing, my Christmas tree is up, decorations are all around the house, and I am relaxed and excited to spend the holidays with family!

Friday, November 18, 2011


So, the three month hiatus has now been over for just about a week now.  Feeling pretty good about these next few months, however now I am stressed about stupid work issues.  Ugggh, never ends!  Everytime I plan something, one of our managers fucks up our plans.  We were supposed to go see family for thanksgiving weekend, but that had to be cancelled since my new store opens the monday after thanksgiving.  Fine, we dealt with that.  Now, find out that my husband has to close on both thanksgiving and black friday, which takes away the plan to have a nice thanksgiving dinner alone for once and cancels the plans we had to do a little shopping on friday.  Now, my husband's manager wants to switch shifts with my husband on sunday, meaning we would barely have time to go grocery shopping, which we really need to do.  Uggggh. I freaking hate work right now.  Oh well, I have a new craft to try to keep my stress under control.  I have thrown all my frustrations, stresses, and free time into knitting christmas presents and even a few baby gifts (there are a few people who are worthy enough to get baby gifts from me because they have nothing but respect for others. Right now my sister is still not one of those lucky people)  Plus, we are soon becoming the parents of another beautiful orange kitty named Sonny.  Right now, all I can do is love my kitties and husband and pray that things work out for us.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

looking back at the old me......

As I sit here looking back at the past 8 years, I notice how different I am now than back then.  Sure I am still goofy, talkative, and caring but I have become more sensitive, less outgoing, and more cautious.  Most of the changes have been for good.  I don't go partying, I take better care of myself and I think of others more than myself.  However, some changes aren't as good.  I am more likely to get pissed off when babies or pregnancies are announced, I have a hard time being happy for others while trying to hide my disappointment in myself, and I don't like opening myself up to others because I always get hurt.
I have become a much better person overall, yet those small changes are always weighing on my mind.  I don't like being a mean person.  It's just not who I am.  Yet, I cannot shake those feelings when put in those situations.  I really am working hard to get rid of these feelings, but they just keep coming back when yet another person talks about certain things.  Ugggh!
Now, in these past 8 years I have had quite a few life changing events. First date with my hubby on 10-17-03, got engaged a year later, moved 200 miles away in Feb 2007, got married May 2008, started trying for family in Jan 09, 3 miscarriages in 2010, issues that are finally resolved as of august, and then the 3 month hiatus from trying for family due to PCOS (stupid ovaries suck!).  All these things add up and change a person's way of thinking.  I would love to say that I wouldn't change anything, however I would like to change the whole part where I wasted 2 years trying for something when my body was actually purposely preventing it and I didnt know.  grrrrrrrr.
Now, I am 29 days away from getting back on the bandwagon of trying again.  So what has changed in the past 57 days?  I am eating much healthier, I am not dependent upon sugar anymore (I actually can't even eat a  normal sized candy bar anymore), I am more active, I am in better control of my life, I take my vitamins and I hardly ever go have a drink anymore and when I do it is literally one and I am done.  Now, that being said, I know that there are those who don't take care of themselves, party all the time, yet end up getting what I truly desire without having any issues.  I want to bitch slap those people.  I can't understand how people go through life without one ounce of care about anything and get everything that I desire.  Hmmm, must be nice to not have to work for everything you want.
I just know that when my day comes, I will be the better person.  I will be more appreciative of my children than most others because I will have worked damn hard to get them.  Yes, they may be spoiled but it again is going to be well deserved.  I will not let others break my spirit anymore.  I will be the bigger person.  I will hold my head high and let things just roll off my shoulders.  I shouldn't lose sleep worrying about the situations of others.  They only have theirselves to blame, and they will have to learn from their exeperiences just like I have.


For those in my situation, I will pass on a special prayer that was given to me.  This is the novena prayer to Saint Philomena:

We beseech Thee, O Lord, to grant us the pardon of our sins by the intercession of Saint , virgin and martyr, who was always pleasing in Thy sight by her eminent chastity and by the profession of every virtue. Amen.

Illustrious virgin and martyr, Saint Philomena, behold me prostrate before the throne whereupon it has pleased the Most Holy Trinity to place thee. Full of confidence in thy protection, I entreat thee to intercede for me with God, from the heights of Heaven deign to cast a glance upon thy humble client! Spouse of Christ, sustain me in suffering, fortify me in temptation, protect me in the dangers surrounding me, obtain for me the graces necessary to me, and in particular (Here specify your petition).
Above all, assist me at the hour of my death. Saint Philomena, powerful with God, pray for us. Amen.

O God, Most Holy Trinity, we thank Thee for the graces Thou didst bestow upon the Blessed Virgin Mary, and upon Thy handmaid Philomena, through whose intercession we implore Thy Mercy. Amen.

Monday, September 26, 2011


Ugggh, I am soooooooooooooooo sick of family drama right now.  I am apparently the bad guy because I was honest with a family member and now people are mad at me.  blah.  I just don't really care anymore.  It doesn't matter to me if they stay mad at me or not.  I have enough stress to deal with over here and dont need their stupidity adding to that stress. Blah.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

fun and fancy free!

These past few days I have finally fully come to terms with this three month hiatus. It is a time for me to get healthy, which I have been very good with eating right I just need to work on the exercise part.  I am making a pact with myself that if I work out 30 minutes a day, 5 days a week, at the end of that week I will reward myself with a new book, new hair thing, or new nail polish.  This pact is starting tomorrow, which happens to also be day one of my second month of birth control pills.  Hopefully this pact will keep me motivated to get up and moving!
My little sister and I had a great heart to heart today before she left to go back home.  Her and my mom are concerned that I may have adverse side effects to the drugs that my doctor keeps giving me (fertility drugs and birth control).  Basically, they are concerned for my health because of tales of life-threatening issues.  I know that my doctor is very adamant on making sure that what I am taking is the right dosage and is not being taken for longer than I need to take them.  My mom, who just got back from a two week road trip to Reno, New Mexico, and Colorado, wanted to show that even though she doesn't approve of the use of drugs to help with reproducing, she still cares about me.  She got me a magnet of this little hunched back guy who is playing a flute.  It is actually Kokopelli, a southwestern native american fertility god.  Her way of showing she cares.  It works!

Monday, September 12, 2011

Happier post, kinda.....

I figure I should update my blog since I have nothing better to do until this stupid headache goes away.

Today, while chit-chatting with a lovely regular customer named Shana, I found out that her doctor diagnosed her with PCOS after they tried for 1.5 years for their daughter.  Even more encouraging about this is that her doctor put her on birth control pills for 3 months (just like mine did for me).  Most encouraging of all is that she got pregnant the first month after stopping said birth control pills.  That just made me feel much better about this three months of birth control.  THe things you learn from people while you wait for their coffee to be made at Starbucks! lol!

Another fun thing going on right now is that tomorrow I have a job interview.  It is for a position at a new Starbucks opening up closer to my home and to school (which will be really helpful next semester when I am back in class).  Its just a transfer but it is a well needed change.  I have been at my current store for 4 years, which is a long time.  I love my manager and my coworkers (most of them at least) but I just need a change. Did I mention that this location is opening up in an office building attached to the new Children's Hospital here in Grand Rapids?  Hmm, if I get this transfer I will be in that hospital volunteering as much as possible!

Friday is also when my younger sister (I can't really get away with calling her my little sister since she is about 4 inches taller than me!) comes into town! Yay! Can't wait!

Oh, and today is the first day of 7 inactive pills for my birth control pills, so only 62 more days! yay!

Friday, September 2, 2011


Okay, I am much better today than I was yesterday.  Definitely had a bad day yesterday.  Today is so much better.  Went shopping for fabulous farm fresh veggies and fruits, got sunday's dinner out of the freezer and into a pan to marinate, and now getting some last minute stuff done before picking up the husband.  I think being able to talk to people (my coworker this morning and my best friend this afternoon) really helped my frustration.  As much as I like to vent around the hubby, sometimes he just doesn't understand a women's perspective and just thinks I am overreacting.  Luckily, I do have a few people to talk to about this. I wish I could just fast foward to two weeks from now, when my sister is in town.  Then fast forward another two weeks, when my childhood friend is in town.  Then just fast foward all the way to the middle of november.  I don't care if I fast forward past my birthday, nothing I want ever happens that day anyways.  All I want is to have a spa day (manis, pedis and maybe facials or massage) and then a great dinner with friends.  However, last year that turned into a horrible party where my best friend was told she shouldn't be hanging out with me so much.  Hhhhrumph.  Hopefully, the hubby catches all the hints I keep dropping, he only has 58 days to plan something.  On that note, only 72 more bc pills left. blah!