Monday, July 25, 2011

HHahahahahahahahha! Excited!

So now the waiting begins......  My doctor confirmed my findings that I did indeed ovulate on Friday which means I am now 3dpo!!!  Woohoo!  She told me to relax and next Monday I can start testing!!!!  Now relax is something I cannot really do, I always jump ahead of myself.  So this time, I am not allowing myself near a pee stick until Monday. Now, other fun stuff about Monday, I will actually be at my mother-in-law's house that morning.  So the question becomes test on Monday or wait til Tuesday!!!  hmmmm, test on Monday! lol!  I am very impatient!!!!

Thursday, July 21, 2011


This month has brought a bunch of new things, enough to the point where I couldn't tell you what anything is doing or whether I have had this feeling before or whatnot.  That being said, I am getting some minor pressure/cramping on my left side (which is the ovary that has a nice big follicle in it).  Hopefully this sucker drops and is perfect in every way, so in two weeks we get a nice big surprise. 
School is almost out for the term, which means i will once again have time to relax!! lol!  
Thats about all I can think of to say.  I am tired.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

ahhhhh DOCTORS!

So yesterday I had a call from my doctor's office about my ultrasound on Monday.  They now want me to come back in on Monday to see if I have indeed ovulated.  Okay, not mad that I get to go and see how my ovaries are doing again.  It is actually a pretty neat experience (besides the wand getting stuck up your no-no area).  It is neat to learn what is going on and everything, being as though pregnancy is nothing short of a miracle.  Hopefully, there will be signs of ovulation and hopefully they have me come back to check stuff again (he he, hopefully!!!) This will be my 3rd ultrasound in 2 weeks though. uggh!  Oh well.  It is for a good cause!
On a funnier note, hubby is really getting goofy about how badly he wants a baby!  He is my goofball and I love his enthusiasm now!  Before all this he wasn't as hardcore as I was, now after knowing what is wrong with me and everything, he is much more determined! Hehe!
I also talked to my mom and told her how I was feeling and such about the last time I talked to her.  She admitted that she has never had to go through my issues and that she has no idea what to say about it.  She just knows that I tend to stress sometimes and that I just need to step back and relax.  Which I was glad to hear.
Lately I have had turtles on the brain.  A few weeks ago, I drew a turtle on our chalk wall just for fun, but it was an urge that I had.  A few days ago, I started randomly saying "turtle turtle" (from master of disguise).  And yesterday I had to create a papier-mache creature in class, and my brain kept going back to a turtle.  I did make a turtle! I think it is a sign that I will eventually win this race.  Kinda like the tortoise and hare story, slow and steady wins the race.  I am taking this as a sign that even though I have taken this long to get preggo, my finish line is coming up and I will win my race.  Hoping that this race is won soon!

Monday, July 18, 2011

Happy Day!

So today I had to go get yet another ultrasound to see what my next step is going to be.  Luckily, I was given the okay to try this month for baby, which is fantastic!  However if nothing happens this month, I have to go on birth control for two or three months before trying again.  Surprisingly, I am actually okay with this.  I have decided that even though I might be mad if I dont get pregnant this month, I know that there is a time for everything.  I put my faith in God and thats all I can really do.  I know he will bless us with a kid when the time is right.  I am done questioning his actions and ready to allow him to lead me down the path he has set for me.  I realize now that last year was not the best time to bring a child into our lives and that we are in better places this year, financially and emotionally, and that it will happen.  I just have to have faith and patience, which patience is the hardest thing of all!

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Really, why does life always shit on me?

So I found out today why I am having so many issues getting pregnant.  This is where i can honestly say that it is my fault too.  I was diagnosed today with PCOS.  I am glad that I know what is wrong with me, however I am not fine with the fact that I may have to take 12 steps back and put trying for kids on the back burner for at least 3 months.  I don't really think that I am okay with that.  I have been trying for 2.5 years and stopping trying, even for a few months, is the hardest thing I could ever do.  I have spent the past 2.5 years wishing, hoping, praying, taking pills, peeing on sticks, taking my temperature and it has been for nothing really.  It just frustrates me that I may have to wait even longer for something that a lot of people stumble upon.
To make my situation even better (please read that again with sarcasm, lol), my mom is soooooo against me using any type of medical intervention.  She keeps telling me not to stress over this, but that's all i can do is stress.   I am normally a stressed person to begin with.  That is how I have always been.  I just cant believe that my own mother is just so against me taking action.  It makes me feel like she doesn't even care if we give her a grandchild, I mean she already has 3.  It also makes me feel like a complete failure so all I think about is how I must be a bad person cause I can't seem to get my way for once.
I know the saying is "what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger", however this is something that just eats me up inside, causing me to be a hollow shell.  I can't feel happy anymore when people tell me they are preggo.  It always makes me think, what did this person do to be so lucky. ugggh.
Hopefully my next appointment brings good news.  At least I can think that for a few days.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Crazy times!

So, this week has been very interesting.  On Thursday, my city was turned upside down by a very unusual event. A guy snapped (they think his wife told him she was leaving him) and drove to his wife's parents house, which is literally around the block from me, and shot all 4 people that were inside, including his 12-year-old daughter.  Then he proceed to drive about 2 miles away to the home of an ex-girlfriend and shot everyone in there, including a 10-year-old girl.  All this happened while I was at school and my hubby had the day off.  He actually heard the gunshots from the first group of shootings, but since we live in a quiet town he figured it was just a car backfiring.  There was a huge car chase all throughout the downtown area (where I was at) and on the local freeways.  Then panic struck.  I was bombarded with texts saying "don't go outside", "are you okay", and the worst was from my husband which said "I may not be able to come pick you up, the shooter is in my area."  I called him and found out that the shooter was at a house less than 2 blocks away, with three hostages inside. Luckily, the cops set up impassable barricades right after our complex, and then another barricade just up the hill from our complex, which they let people exit through.  So he was able to come pick me up, and we spent some time watching the events unfold at a local restaurant.  We were just going to stay there, but I needed to get home so I could attempt to sleep and be up at 4am for work.  When we got home, I realized that everything was much closer than I thought and the news helicopters would prevent me from getting any sleep.  So I sat outside and watched (even though the only thing I saw was the occasional cop car and government vehicle leaving the blocked off areas).  While slowly making my way back inside, I heard a small pop.  I looked at the police officers near me, and they didn't seem phased at all, so I continued slowly walking up my sidewalk.  That is when the light to the helicopter turned back on and I knew something was going on.  Apparently, that pop I heard was the shooter taking his own life.  All together he killed 8 people (including himself), injured 2 (during his car chase), and held 3 people hostage.  It was the craziest night ever.
Now to the fun part. Saturday was day 5 of my cycle, which means I started taking my clomid. Yay! However, I forgot that the drug makes me slightly moody, so today I am kinda crabby. Oh well, it is for a good cause!

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Clean Slate.

So today is what I would like to call a clean slate.  Today marks the first month where we can start seriously trying for baby #1.  I start my clomid on Saturday, which will be fabulous!!!!  So excited! Things seem to be coming together for us!  Hopefully July is an amazing month, and that it brings amazing results/events! hehe! I am way to excited over something that usually is dreaded, especially by those who are trying to conceive!

Friday, July 1, 2011

Love my crazy life!

So, things are finally starting to look up again! I am extremely happy with this next step we are taking.  School is going well.  My health is fine, which means we are a go for the first round of fertility drugs hopefully soon!  I just finished taking my provera, so stupid cycle should start again soon.  I hope it starts soon because I am antsy to start a family.
My husband is finally learning that since I am in school, I need his help around the house.  So this morning as I was bitching about a fallen bowl of food, he helped clean the living room and even put away most of his stuff!  I know it sounds bad that he put away his stuff, but sometimes he just leaves all his stuff laying around like a five year old!
Back to me being happy again, the hubby and I are once again in great moods and able to enjoy our time together, instead of not using our together time wisely!  We are more committed to staying positive, staying relaxed, and being goofy again!  We are trying to not sweat the small things and we know that there are things that happen that we have no control over.
All in all, July is going to be an amazing month, hopefully with amazing events taking place!