New beginning.

So, its been a few days since I last updated this.  I have been busy with school, work, and weekend vacations! I went to see my doctor on Monday to find out what the next step towards pregnancy will be for me.  She was glad that I am now down 12 lbs since march, and frankly, I am excited about that too!  I ended up getting tested for diabetes/pre-diabetes, which luckily I have neither.  I did get a fun little pill that will get everything back on track and hopefully working again, which is very nice since I would really love to have a viable pregnancy soon!  I also will be starting back up with fertility drugs this coming month, which is fine with me and hubby since we know they work and my doctor will monitor me closer this time.  Now, we are just enjoying the last few days we have until new cycle begins and this stupid fluctuating period business stops! On another note, I started school again this week and am loving it.  I have always been a good student, but now I feel I am more focused than ever and am more determined to reach all my goals this year!

new look on life.

So as mad as I am about having to work soo freaking hard to get pregnant, I recently snapped out of my funk and am now ready to embark fully on this journey. Plus, I am now not mad at everyone else who keeps getting pregnant so easily.  I am taking this new-found serenity and taking time to enjoy life instead of being pissed off at it.  I am excited to meet all the babies that I have shunned in the past, and ready to be excited for those who are about to be parents.  I know that one day I will have my own kids, but right now it isn't my turn.  It will happen when it is our turn, and right now I am going to use all my extra energy, that was used to be mad and frustrated, to be creative and spontaneous and happy.
On my creativity, I painted a giant chalkboard in my spare bedroom/office, so I can use it for school and being more creative.  Today, I am also starting on making jewelry from used gift cards (since I work at Starbucks and have tons from just after Christmas).  I am starting a new adventure in life, I am starting to be happy with who I am and not be mad about what I am not.

New at this, need to vent I guess.

I guess I just need somewhere to vent all my feelings and all the stress that I have right now.  My husband and I are on year 2 of trying for kids with nothing but crushed dreams.  Ugh.  Plus, we are just getting over some financial issues that started during the past 2 years.
Okay, I guess I can start with the first part of this issue.  My husband and I started trying for kids just before our 1 year wedding anniversary.  That was just over two years ago, and even after two months on clomid last summer all that we have to show for this is three known miscarriages.  It's really frustrating to know that we have been wanting and trying for a kid when others can get within ten feet of sperm and they are pregnant.  I am just fed up with being the outsider when hanging out with my friends who all have kids.  Currently we are working with yet another doctor to see if she can figure out what is wrong with me without resorting to drugs.
Okay part two of the issue started sometime during the past two years.  We started getting stupid with our money and had a few issues which got worse when I had my first known miscarriage last May.  Since then we have fixed our issues and everything is back in order.
Now I have decided to start getting things back on track in life.  We have our finances back in order and next is my health.  I bought a bike to start getting in shape and try to lose some weight.  I am also starting a new diet after Easter, which my good friend is on and has had great results in just a week.  I have been feeling very enlightened lately and am trying to fix everything that is going wrong in life right now.  I know that god has a plan for me, however, I am sick of waiting to find out what that plan is!